User blog comment:LovelyChrys/My Fanfic: "Newborn Vampires" Chapter 6 Preview/@comment-4944821-20120712005231

This works great but please remember when you use words like "bitches" or say "He was pissed" It tells the reader what to think about a character instead of showing those qualities.

Other than that though this scene works great. (sorry if i seem nitpicky about the whole "Show don't Tell" I can't do it myself) Keep up the good work.