User blog:Alexa dreamer20/My first posted fic!(Almost)

Music was pounding in my ears,drowning out everything around me,not that I complained.It was why I bought these headphones anyway,and they served their purpose.The noise in my ears couldn’t be called music by the old me,but the new me found it soothing compared to what I’ve just been through.Three weeks ago,I was celebrating my mom’s birthday with her friends,and now I’ve just been to her funeral.

I swallowed,keeping the feeling in my gut there.You could say I couldn’t get out of there fast enough,as I boarded my plane to Washington just a half hour after.

Usually people leave to a better place to get away from something for a while or permanently.I hated both where I was leaving from and where I was headed to.Neither provided any kind of safety for me,and neither was filled with good memories.I was due to arrival in 4 hours and staying for an undetermined period of time.

Even though thinking about my destination was something I detested,I would be stepping on its ground soon enough.Forks,Washington.Somewhere on the boundaries of that insignificant little town the Quileute rezervation of La Push set its own.

Years ago,it was the only home I had ever known.But then what I assumed was tragedy slapped me in the face once with my parents’ divorce.I pretended to be okay,not caring that they got separated because it wasn’t the end of the world,but it certainly put an end to my fantasy world.I was living this life I hate thinking about,so I’m not even gonna get started.

I didn’t need a reminder-not even from myself.If this is what makes me immune to everything,then so be it.I couldn’t complain about this either as the plane took off,flying me to what ironically would be my personal hell.

My mp3 shuffled through songs quicker than usual-but usual wasn’t on the schedule of the new me.The average-huh,yeah right-song lasted 2 minutes.I just could not stand listening to the 3 or 4 minute crap I put up with before.

My best friend told me it was the worst sound she’s ever heard,and I just shrugged at her.That is something-or,whatever,was something-considering how much I hanged on her every word.But now we weren’t best friends anymore.Having a friend was about having someone to understand you beside what your parents could do,for a part.Rae didn’t understand me anymore.How could she,when I didn’t understand myself?I wasn’t looking for her advice anymore,and I didn’t go to her when tragedy striked me for a second time in my life,but I didn’t exactly close off from the world.I just didn’t give an honest damn about the world around me.That doesn’t necessarily make me unobservant,because I noticed how a boy looking about 10 or so kept looking at me from a few rows ahead whenever my songs shuffled.I knew he was staring at my black clothes and general glaring towards any cloud passing by.There were tons of actions people did that seemed so pointless to me I tried not to snort.Just people living in their pink little bubble.I gave a malicious grin as I imagined the plane crash and everybody panicking,their pretty little worlds cracking.Sure,anyone who’d hear me think would classfy me as a mean goth girl.

I wasn’t mean,and I definately wasn’t goth.Music couldn’t make anything out of me,and friends even less,but that’s just another fact of my life.

As the songs shifted further and further into my 1000 songs playlist,the plane hit the ground,of course,not as I imagined it a few minutes ago.

I barely felt the bump as a particularily blasting song broke through the headphones.I couldn’t give more of a damn about the name of the band or so-called artist playing,because I only listened to the lyrics.

But as soon as it stopped and we could leave,I was the first to leave it,not because I was eager to meet my doom,but otherwise my saving,I left because I felt trapped into a world of happy people.I knew the world outside wouldn’t be much better in a town as small as Port Angeles,and even worse as I’d get to Forks,but as I had my mp3 with me,it made things less horrible.

Nobody would pick me up at the airport-but that’s what busses were for.I preffered a gum-stocked bus rather than my dad picking me up in that horrible stinking truck,it was absolutely repelling.I didn’t need directions-I’m sure it hasn’t changed much.I even managed to spot a boy I haven’t seen in positively 6 years,but that I didn’t remember the name of.

The bus stopped short on Forks,so I had to walk to La Push.Charming.But I gave it a thought,thing that I don’t do so much lately,and realized I don’t mind anything that delayed my arrival.

I knew from experience and common knowledge that Forks was not a town you wanted to live in if you didn’t like the massive hours of rain devoted to this place,but I haven’t bothered to bring a jacket.And so by the time I got to La Push,I think the clothes in my bag were wet too.

But I couldn’t say anything anymore as the beach came into view.La Push,despite holding despised memories was a peaceful place-for most.It was far quieter than Forks and smaller,but not by much.

I wasn’t far from my once-adored home,yet now I couldn’t hate the place more.

As soon as the sand got solid and I was walking down a patio to the door of hell,I looked up.Seeing this house after the divorce and moving away was hard-but this-,this  was like a fresh slap to the face.

It was fate’s twisted way of telling me:that’s what you get for living a perfect life.

This time I snorted.More like a perfectly virtual life.

My..dad’s truck was parked on the curb,still as messy as ever.Mom and I used to make fun of him for loving that car-but now it holds bad memories,as does everything else around me.But there was nothing that came close to the house in front of me.

My heart couldn’t beat faster as the front door parted with the wall.If I reffered to this as hell,then it seemed obvious that the devil would be opening the door to me.Who I found standing there was nothing like my father,not even close.But of course,this was appearence,and I’d never judge a book by its cover,my unofficial motto.Doing that took me so many places I never wanted to go,but it took its toll on my mother.She was so in love with dad,she said it to me over the divorce.He was just the perfect kinda guy for her.I see now just how perfect he seemed to be.He’s wearing jeans and a t-shirt and waving at me with a kind smile on his face.If this were any other me,she’d run right to him and hug him,telling him how much she missed him.But this me wanted to turn around and run like hell.

It didn’t help the situation if I stood there staring like the idiot that I was.I swallowed down my feelings again and took the first step forward.I didn’t have to walk long before I was wrapped into an unconfortable hug that I didn’t want to return.

”Hey kiddo.How are you feeling?”

One of the few things my dad never did was talk about feelings-he made sure I had someone to talk to though,that’s why mom knows all about me-knew.She knew enough for both of them.

Now,how was I feeling?At the moment,disgusted.How did he think I was feeling?I was perfectly fine physically,so I guess that was the answer,since I don’t give more of a damn about my condition than I do about the world.

”Fine.” My voice came out confident,despite the lack of that I was experiencing.Again I cursed the one who filled me with common courtesy.

”How are you?”

”Your old man can take a lot of things,but he can’t take seeing you hurt.So,now that you’re here,I’m happy.”

I bit my tongue,a habbit I’ve gotten a few weeks ago when I knew I really didn’t have to do or say what I wanted,because it would end up bad.Nodding helped too-it was an alternative to shaking my head furiously.

I walked past everything,stumbling up the stairs to my old bedroom.The first thing I had to do before I even settled my backpack down was redecorating.

I ripped all the pictures from my beloved wall a few years back-they hurt to look at in more ways than one.I cleared out what clothes I left here in the wardrobe I had always been proud of-I had the biggest one of my old friends and threw the clothes into the big garbage bin outside.I could’ve donated them,but this was the new me.

I took the covers off my one-person bed and put them somewhere in the hallway cabinet.

Then I got out all my posters and cds.I sticked them to everything I could-walls,door,even the mirror-I didn’t need to see myself these days.Plus,I had another mirror in the bathroom-ah,the bathroom.The horrible pink in it sent shivers down my spine.I had to get a tin of paint tomorrow and spill it over the walls.

I knew how my actions made me look like a troubled emo or something,but I really wasn’t.I was mad at life and it was mutual.

I took a look around the room,and was pleased to find you could actually look at it.There,my job’s done.I threw my body on the empty matterss of the bed and my hands went under my head,my eyes closing.

That was the most horrible night I’ve had since the day dad and mom fought.I couldn’t describe the nightmare that greeted me.It was the perfect setting,and when I woke up I thought it couldn’t be worse-I was in the house of my nightmare.But everything I put around was a reminder of the timeline I was living in.

I sighed disgusted and stood,ignoring the creaks in the wooden floor.The sun had just come up,but I took it as long as it took me to change to disappear behind the clouds.

I got my crippled clothes from my bag and threw jeans and a hoodie on.I had a fairly big number of those-11 and I planned to add to it.

My long black hair was mercilessly placed into a loose bun and my mp3 took its irreplaceable part in my day as I tried to make as less noise as possible and slipped out of the house.

I ran along First Beach until I reached the cliffs,and my feet didn’t listen to me anymore on the way back.I wandered around until I found the path that lead up to them,and the air inside the woods was ever colder than on the beach.

I pushed away the last of the branches and I realized I wasn’t far from the edge.Looking over it,it seemed even higher.The waves were smashing violently against the rocks and chills ran through me.

I didn’t realize the danger I was in though.My mind was the danger,as an idea formed into my head,dangerously close to my ’do’ button.

I was hypnotized by the foam of the waves and wind blowing hard into my face.

And the song that was playing wasn’t helping my rational judgement either.It was Possibility by Lykke Li,one of the few artists I actually cared about.I pondered for a moment how it would be if I could be by my mom’s side again,and I found it as not a bad idea,standing close to falling.

Air didn’t seem to want to fill my lungs as I decided.

But even without my hearing and sense of smell,I wouldn’t go back on this.That was,until even through the song at its maximum,I heard a sound similar to a twig snapping.It must’ve been a hell of a large twig for me to have heard anything.

I turned around and removed my headphones,my eyes searching for the source of the sound.

What got out of the wood not far behind was hard not to stare at.It was probably one of the boys on the reservation,with the black hair and dark eyes,but I’ve never seen quite a boy like him in my life.

A/N:sorry about the song,I couldn't find something more original so fast:d It'll probably change over time.