User blog comment:DenaliLover/Moonshine: Chapter 1/@comment-2069500-20110616181057

It's somewhat interesting and I want to see where exactly you're going with it. I'm assuming it's fanfiction? But, for the purpose of making it better, I'm just going to do a little critique. This is extremely short for a chapter. Only about 600 words? You should at least have 2000, just to get it started. You hooked my with the first sentence, then dropped me. Something about the way you've written it, it feels wooden. If you write in first person, give us more personality. You might even want to give third person a try. Still, I want to see where this is going.