User blog:VampiresAndWerewolfsareAwesomeAsHell23/Carlisle's Diary

Dear Diary:
I love being on vacation as much as I love being a doctor! Esme and I spent two weeks on the island. We spent the whole time exploring the island, swimming, and making love. The weather was beautiful. We were sparkling and we didn’t care. We would swim deep in the water, around coral reefs, and saw different fish. Even came face to face with a barracuda. It just looked at us with a bored expression and swam on. I was able to really enjoy my life without thinking about what was going on.

We have called home and heard that Nessie had her cast removed and was getting her full strength back in her leg. Charlotte’s parents had arrived and took her back to Texas to heal from her horrific attack. They have been trying to persuade her not to come back here, but Charlotte wants to. Her boyfriend is here and she really likes the hospital. But for now she’s back in her home state recuperating. I don’t want to seem selfish but I’d love for her to return to us. She’s a sweetheart and has made the hospital a much more cheerful place to be.

My family was handling things at home just fine without me. While we were still on the island, we were sitting by the waterfall one day and this beautiful bird flew by. I realized that I really wanted to sketch it. So I’m going to ask Alexander to give me a tutorial on drawing so I can draw beautiful things too. I’ve always admired artists. Coming home was bittersweet. We love our little island and it’s such a perfect escape from everyday life, but we have to return to our family and my job. Bill can’t handle the hospital and this aftermath alone.

So after another boat ride, 14 hour flight, and short trip in a town car; we were back in Hanover and in our driveway. The family came out to welcome us home. Nessie bolted out of the house first and ran to me for a hug.

“Welcome home grandpa and grandma! I missed you both very much.” Nessie said hugging first me then Esme.

“Thank you sweetheart.” Esme said kissing Nessie on the top of the head.

“How was it?” She asked.

“Wonderful, it was nice and warm and beautiful as always.” Esme related. Everyone smiled. Edward and Emmett helped carry our bags inside and took them upstairs. They didn’t have to but I had a feeling that we were missed. I noticed that two people were missing from our family and those were Bella and Leah. As soon as I noticed their absence Edward said that they were on their usual hiking trip. They said that they would try to get back for our arrival but must have gotten stuck somewhere along the way. As soon as Edward started worrying that something was wrong that they weren’t back, Keith called and said that he had been flying in the area and said the two of them were sitting on a log talking. He didn’t want to bother them so he just flew by without them noticing him. All was well.

We did have two sour pusses in the house. One was Alice because Bella was spending so much time with Leah; she felt that she was losing her best friend. I couldn’t believe it! Alice was actually jealous! And of Leah out of all people! Everyone including Bella had told Alice that no one would ever replace her and the only reason she and Leah were spending so much time together was because they had a ton in common and were still discovering it now that all that bitterness had been put behind them.

It was so refreshing to see Leah finally letting go of all of her ghosts. She was hardly ever angry anymore. The only time we saw her frowning was when Seth would play a practical joke that she would find annoying. Otherwise, she was always smiling. She was an incredibly pretty young woman when she smiled. Even Jacob felt better about having her in the pack because now her thoughts weren’t on how bitter she was and how much she hated her life; but on her next hiking trip with Bella or her next date with Keith. When that was brought to her attention, she would blush and look down. She’d still apologize for being such a “bitch” for all those years. At this point, its water under the bridge for us all.

The other sour puss amazingly was Nessie. I noticed her moping around the house seeming out of it. Not even Jacob could cheer her up. I had to get to the bottom of it. So as she was pacing in circles around the living room, I stepped in front of her and stopped her mid thought:

“Alright Renesmee, what is it and don’t tell me nothing?” I only called her by her full name when I was serious. She looked up at me with wide eyes, took a deep breath and said: “I think Michelle has another best friend or someone secret in her life.” “Why would you think that?”

“Because she’s on her cellphone a lot all of a sudden and she’s texting someone and when I ask her who she’s talking to, she doesn’t tell me.”

“Maybe she has a boyfriend or something.”

“But why wouldn’t she tell me? Why hide it from me?” Nessie asked.

“Well she is allowed to have other friends, doesn’t she?”

“Yes but why keep it secret? Even if she had a boyfriend, I wouldn’t get jealous. I’d be happy for her! I think she doesn’t trust me.” Nessie pointed out sadly.

“I think that she trusts you. I just think that when she becomes comfortable with whatever it is, she’ll tell you. Just don’t bug her about it. Give her some space and when it’s right, she’ll tell you.” I said with a smile.

“Yeah….I guess so…..I won’t bug her anymore….” Nessie didn’t sound convinced.

I’ve heard Jacob talk to Edward about it; apparently Nessie feels like she’s not good enough for people. She thinks that she isn’t good enough to have a best friend like Michelle. No matter how many times Bella and Edward had told her, she still feels like she’s no one special. I don’t know why this sudden feeling of sadness has befallen my granddaughter but I was hoping that it wasn’t a long term thing. Could a hybrid suffer from depression? Something to look into in my journals later.

As if my thoughts were being read, the doorbell rang, Rose opened the door and there stood Rogue. She smiled and Rose invited her in promptly. Rogue’s eyes landed on Nessie then on me.

“Welcome home Carlisle. How was your trip?”

“Thank you, it was much needed. Thank you for recommending it.”

“Listen, I didn’t want to bother you tonight but I had a feeling something was up and was wondering if I could speak with Nessie alone.” Nessie’s eyes got wide.

“Is there a problem?” I asked concerned. Rogue smiled.

“No, but I figure I can help with teen angst.” She said and winked at me.

I understood. Nessie grabbed her jacket and followed Rogue outside. Rogue then put her arms around Nessie and flew into the air. They flew for a little while until they were on a mountain in the region. Finally Rogue touched down. She motioned Nessie to sit on a rock near her, which Nessie did. They sat quietly for a while and then Rogue spoke:

“I know that you have been feeling inadequate recently. I wanted to talk to you about that. Whatever you tell me stays here on this mountain just between the two of us. I know sometimes it’s hard to speak to family.” Nessie nodded.

“I don’t know…..I just feel weird…..like not good enough….you know?”

“Not good enough for whom?”

“I don’t know……my family……Michelle……you guys…..” Her voice trailed off. “Alright let’s start at the beginning; why your family?”

“My family is full of these kick ass vampires who are so strong and powerful. I feel a little too human sometimes. My boyfriend is a werewolf as is Seth and Leah which makes all of them just strong and powerful.”

“Well, here’s something you have to realize. Strength doesn’t come from muscles or gifts or talents or powers. Strength comes from the heart. Yes your family is a combo of vampires and wolves but they all have normal human qualities just like you. They are all capable of love. And love is the most important thing. Being powerful isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, believe me.”

“Yeah right! You can do anything you want! Even create tornadoes! You can fly and heal people, how is that not amazing???” Nessie asked incredulously. “Because it’s too much responsibility, Nessie. Because my power comes with a heavy price; I have the lives of over 1 million Watchers in my hands. They all depend on me. Don’t get me wrong, I would never trade who I am for a regular mortal life. But it’s not all fun and games as you saw when Michelle got hurt. You have an amazing life Nessie, you know why?” She shook her head. Rogue smiled.

“Because you get the best of both worlds!” Nessie looked puzzled. Rogue continued. “You get to be both mortal and immortal all at the same time and very few people have those. I think there are like 5 of you in the world. There are over a million of us and many millions of vampires plus a whole chunk of wolves. But there’s only 5 of you guys and each one is unique. On top of that you have a gift of projecting images and questions through touch. Do you have any idea how special that is? Nessie, you don’t have to be strong or immortal or powerful. All you have to do is be you. Be Nessie; love, care for, listen, and just be you. And every single person who hasn’t fallen in love with you will.”

By the time Rogue finished speaking; Nessie had tears running down her face. Rogue put her arms around Nessie’s shoulders and let her cry all of her frustrations out. Rogue just stroked her back and smiled into the distance. She knew all of this all too well. She remembered long, long ago when she was still mortal having the exact same conversation with her mother. Back before she was chosen; she was still just dating Alexander or he was courting her rather. She didn’t understand how someone so handsome would have any interest in someone as plain as her. Her mother had smiled, wiped away her tears, and said the same thing she just told Nessie. When Nessie’s sobs abated a bit, Rogue was brought back into the present.

“Alright well that takes care of 75% of your issues. Why are you doubting Michelle or how does she fit into this equation rather?” Rogue asked as Nessie looked at her sheepishly. “Well she’s keeping secrets from me and I don’t like it. I feel like she feels she can’t trust me. I tell her everything and now I feel like we’re drifting apart and it hurts.” She whispered the last part and looked down.

“Well, I can give you some relief of that. Michelle trusts you completely. She loves you like a sister. Yes she does have a secret but just like with you, I can’t say what it is. When she is ready and I think it’ll be soon, she’ll tell you exactly what it is. The only thing I ask is for you to have an open mind. She’s pretty terrified of your reaction; actually of the reactions of your whole family. We, Watchers already know and are fine with it.”

“Is it something bad?” Nessie asked surprised.

“No. It’s just something she needs to tell you herself.” “Ok. I understand.” Rogue smiled at her.

“So are you alright with everything or is there something else you’d like to get off of your chest?”

“No, I think I’m alright now. I think I have to walk around a bit to clear my head, but I’d rather do that near the house. It’s getting a bit chilly up here.” Nessie said shivering. “Yes, the wind is starting to pick up but then again we are on top of a mountain.” Rogue said and winked…..Nessie giggled.

Then Rogue put her arms around Nessie again and off they went back to the house. When the landed outside of our house, they hugged and Nessie ran into the house while Rogue flew to her own home. Nessie really seemed different; Bella and Leah were back by then and the first and Edward were waiting for Nessie to get back. When she looked at them, it seemed like there was something much lighter about her. Whatever had transpired between her and Rogue seemed to help her in a positive way making her parents breathe a sigh of relief; I joined them in that. Just then, the doorbell rang again. Nessie went to open it and was surprised to see Michelle standing there.

“Hey Nessie, how are you? I was wondering if we could talk. I have something to tell you.”

~Carlisle Cullen

Source: Carlisle Cullen's dairy Entry - Return