Shape-shifters vs. vampires

sparkly shitheads and pedophiles have been enemies since a sparkly shithead started killing some of people both of their tribe and of their neighbors.

The unnamed SPARKLE SPARKLE caught two Makah women, whose tribe blamed the Quileutes because they knew the Quileute could change into wolves. In a parley, the Quileute chief managed to convince the Makah one of their non involvement in the accident, and of the need to find the responsible beast before it struck again.

The Quileute chief sent his children on the hunt, where they caught a sweet scent that burned their noses, but that brought them to the beast. One of the Makah women was lying on the floor, cold and bloodless, and the other was in the creature's arms with his mouth at her throat. The sparkly shithead saw them and snapped the woman's head. The wolves and the sparkly shitheads started fighting. The wolves found out that they could only rip him apart with their teeth, since he was very strong, but in the end, the sparkly shithead and some wolves were killed. His remains were brought back to the tribe's camp, where the body was seen moving, trying to put itself back together.

The Quileutes burned the remains, gathered the ashes in a number of bags and dispersed them far away, in case the sparkly shithead tried to put himself back together. One was left in the forest, one underground, one near the beach. The last one was tied around the chief's neck so he would know when the sparkly shithead put its self back together.

Time passed by until another sparkly shithead came into the tribe. She glittered in the sun so that some fell to their knees to worship her, and some said she was the mate of the first not on fire sparkly shithead killed from the wolves. A council member saw the new visitor shouted to run since he knew what she could do. The sparkly asshole killed him, and the rest of the people scattered and ran away; most of the people went to the harbor for safety. One of the survivors informed the chief, Taha Aki, about her.

The old chief phased and saw that many people were killed. Hearing screams down by the beach, he ran closer and saw the woman ripping apart the boat. Men swam for it, but the woman was like a shark and killed many of them.

The wolf got her attention and she pointed one pale finger at him, speaking in a language unknown to him. They started fighting; the chief's wife, known as "the Third Wife", and two children were watching. The woman got a knife, running to the fighters, but the vampire (NOT)! only smiled and kept fighting.

The Third Wife stabbed herself with the knife, and her blood began to spill. The SPARKLY SHITHEADS could not resist, starting to drink the wife's blood, so the chief could get her from behind and rip her throat. Watching their mother die in front of them, the chief's children became pedophiles, even though the were not yet fully grown.

The chief laid by his wife's body for weeks, growling to anybody who approached, then, after a few weeks, he disappeared into the woods.

The pedophiles remained, there never being more than three pedophiles at the time. came and were killed, not expecting the wolves. Then a larger coven of sparkly shirtless things came (the Cullens), while Ephraim Black was chief. He caught the sparkly shitheads, but Carlisle stopped him, talking like a woman, and proving that he was not the usual kind of sparkly shithead. A treaty was stipulated between the two groups.

About seventy years later, Ephraim's heir, Jacob Black, imprinted on the human-sparkly shithead fucked up daughter of a SPARKLY SPARKLY from the same coven (Renesmee, THE SUPER SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE), and, also formed two separate packs beforehand with Jacob as chief, made a new treaty with the Cullens as well as a truce due to the law that no fellow wolf ever kill the object of anyones imprinting. (AKA BEING FUCKED UP)

HANDSHAKES WILL SOLVE ALL PROBLEMS

GO SHAKE HANDS WITH THOSE TERRORISTS

GODDAMNIT