User blog:TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt/101 Ways to Annoy Edward Cullen (Part 2)

So here is the concluding part of the ways to annoy Edward Cullen.

51. Slip love notes in his locker and sign them Jacob Black.

52. Read New Moon and endlessly think, "Why, Edward, why??"

53. "Accidentally" total his Volvo with Bella's truck.

54. Laugh when Bella trips. Loudly.

55. Imagine his life in twenty years: minivan, house in the suburbs, twelve kids.

56. Point out the dark circles under his eyes, saying that he needs a good night of sleep.

57. Offer him some concealer.

58. Withdraw the offer quickly and explain, "Sorry, you're too pale for this shade."

59. Turn his piano into a poker table.

60. Tell him that he would be a lot less of an outcast if he joined the football team.

61. Suggest that he keep Jasper in the backyard. "If he can't act civilized..."

62. (The Host reference) Wonder aloud what the Souls are going to do with the Cullens once they invade.

63. Ask him to sign your copy of Twilight.

64. When he plans the wedding, ask, "Who's going to come? You only know, like, four people."

65. Ask him if he's planning on Bella being attacked by a vampire every spring break. Mention that you know someone who can "keep the tradition alive".

66. When he plans the wedding, say, "The leading cause of divorce is young marriage, y'know..."

67. Suggest the Cullens have more "family meetings". Make a point in not inviting Bella.

68. Give him a divorce attorney's card. "Just in case..."

69. Paint his room pink, explaining that it would only make him happier and he should keep it that way.

70. Ask if you are going to be in the wedding party. Repeatedly and frequently.

71. Give him a random item (like a Snuggie) for a wedding gift.

72. Kiss him, and don't let go.

73. Ask him to be a gangsta with you for Halloween.

74. Key his car: EDWARD + JACOB = LUVV

75. Make him watch Hairspray with you. Ask why he's not as hot as Zac Efron.

76. When he says he is as hot as Zac Efron, ask why he wasn't a star of singing high schoolers.

77. Change his license plate to "IluvJacob".

78. Sell his car to Jacob for five dollars.

79. Pretend you don't know where the car went and show him the five dollars, stating it was left on the porch.

80. Poke him repeatedly shrieking, "Dead flesh!"

81. Put bananas all over his kitchen.

82. Tape Justin Bieber posters to his walls.

83. Tell Jasper to make him extremely happy.

84. Make him dance with you!

85. Sing the Batman theme song around him all the time.

86. When he tells you to stop, warn, "You asked for it," and start singing it in your head.

87. Ask if he ever has to use the bathroom.

88. Bake him a birthday card that says, "Happy ___ (fill in the blank) Birthday, Batman!" in pink frosting.

89. Ask him to turn you into a vampire.

90. When he says no, threaten him with Bella's life.

91. When he finally agrees to bite you, whisper in his ear, "I can't till Bella hears about this."

92. Change his cell phone ringtone to something embarrassing like "Jizz In My Pants", "LoveGame", etc.

93. Stab him with a pencil.

94. Talk and think about how much you love Jacob--all the time.

95. Buy Bella a Team Jacob shirt.

96. Buy him a Team Jacob shirt.

97. Read Breaking Dawn and when you're at the end, laugh loudly and yell, "You DIE, Edward! Ha-ha-ha, you DIE!"

98. Ask him if he thinks Robert Pattinson is good-looking. When he says no, tell him that he has self-esteem issues.

99. Call him a "very unhappy person" and suggest therapy. When he refuses, randomly buy him a teddy bear so he can "get his feeling out". When he is confused and/or speechless, tell him, "You're welcome."

100. Kill Bella or anybody else he deeply cares for. When he is seriously depressed and wants to kill himself, put on a faux-sympathetic face, laugh loudly, and shout, "Sucks for you!!"

And 101. Randomly buy him a pet llama. When he asks why, ask, "Why not?"