User blog:LavendaBrunette/How I would have written Breaking Dawn if I was Stephenie Meyer.

According to me and many other Twihards, Breaking Dawn is kind of, sort of a flop book. It made the series into the laughingstock it is today, to be quite honest. The plot is unrealistic, fluffy, disappointing, confusing, etc. And of course, the main reason for this is because Stephenie Meyer decided to create Renesmee, or as she will be referred to by me from now on, Re-name-me. Seriously, what kind of name is Renesmee? I should slap Bella across the face for thinking of that ghastly name, and I should also slap anyone who explicitly accepted/liked that name *cough* RosalieandCharlie *cough*. I honestly don't know why I'm so excited for the movie when I dislike the book so much... oh wait, because of the minor characters, who happen to be much more interesting than the main characters in my opinion.

So, I've decided to show you all how I would have written Breaking Dawn if I were Stephenie Meyer. If only I was Stephenie Meyer... then I don't think anyone would be complaining.

In my version of Breaking Dawn, Re-name-me was never born. The events of the book up to Isle Esme are the same as Stephenie Meyer's version.

Bella and Edward have sex on Isle Esme, but instead, Edward loses control and begins feeding on Bella during the sex. He stops himself eventually (before he can kill her, unfortunately) but the venom is already in Bella's system so she begins changing. Edward doesn't have the strength to suck out the venom in Bella's body so he allows her to change (I know, that's totally out of character for him, but I don't support Edward's "keeping Bella human keeps her safe" policy so I'm throwing it in the trash).

Meanwhile, back in Forks, Jacob imprints on Lizzie. He's all la-dee-da and happy and stuff, 'cause I'm just so tired of his bitching and whining over the fact that he lost Bella. TOO BAD, DOG. TOO BAD.

Edward and the new vampy-fied Bella return to Forks from their honeymoon. Bella still has her super-self control because she was prepared to eventually become a vampire (the only reason why I'm giving her the self control is because their plane ride home wouldn't go so well if Bella couldn't control herself). The Volturi find out about the Cullens' truce with the Quileute werewolves and Caius, thinking that the Quileutes are actual werewolves, decides that the entire Volturi, the guard and the wives will attack and destroy the Cullens due to this treaty. Alice has a vision about the Volturi planning to destroy the Cullens and the Cullens decide to gather witnesses to prove that the werewolves are not actual werewolves, but shape-shifters. Just like in the actual book, it takes a month for the Volturi to arrive. All the witnesses come (the Denalis, the Amazons, the Egyptians, the Romanians, the nomads, etc) and witness, but prepare for a fight (just in case). Eleazar identifies Bella as a shield, just like in the actual version of Breaking Dawn, but since Bella doesn't have Renesmee to motivate her while developing her shield, the shield does not develop as much.

The time comes for the Volturi confrontation, but instead of leaving peacefully after it is proven that the werewolves are actually shape-shifters, they decide to attack anyway. (Side notes: Alice and Jasper do NOT leave the Cullens in my imaginary version, so Nahuel and Huilen are not present during the battle. Also, Amun and Kebi leave the clearing before the fight.) The battle begins. Bella's shield is of no use since it is not developed well-enough - therefore, she mainly protects Edward and Jacob. All of the younger wolves of the wolf pack die (ex: Collin, Brady). Renata is killed by Bella, Demetri is killed by Edward. Benjamin and Zafrina continute to keep track of Bella. Tanya attempts to kill Caius but is prevented by Felix, who almost rips her head off. Emmett throws Felix off of Tanya and they get into their own brawl on the side.

Kate goes after Jane, but her senses are cut off by Alec. Garrett jumps in and attacks Alec, rescuing Kate. Before Jane can focus, Kate tortures Jane, giving her a taste of her own medicine. Stefan attacks Alec but Alec kills him. Zafrina eventually gets to Alec and Jane and kills the both of them ('cause she's just amazing like that).

Senna is killed by Santiago. Emmett kills Santiago seconds later. Rosalie and Heidi get into a catfight (I decided that since they're both exceptionally beautiful women, they should both fight each other eventually. This would please Emmett anyway).

Edward and Jacob go after Marcus, but since Marcus is in his depressed state, he does not fight back. Marcus is killed.

Carmen and Eleazar go after Chelsea and Afton. Eleazar easily kills Afton, but since Chelsea has a ton of experience with the Volturi (her being the oldest guard member), she proves to be more of an issue. Eleazar gets distracted by Felix and briefly loses sight of Carmen, who is busy fighting Chelsea. Chelsea eventually gets Carmen in a headlock but before she can rip her head off, Eleazar sees and goes flippin' bonkers (since he gives off a sort of "protective" vibe to me), killing Chelsea in seconds (with Carmen's last-minute help). Carmen also kills Corin. Aro sees Chelsea get killed and finally loses it, demanding everyone to stop fighting. He feels hopeless now that he's lost his most prized guard member and surrenders. The remainder of the Volturi guard leaves in peace.

Before I continue, let me just list the casualties of the battle in my imaginary version of Breaking Dawn: Okay, now let me continue.
 * The Cullens - None
 * The Denalis - None
 * The Amazons - Senna
 * The Egyptians - None
 * The Romanians - Stefan, Vladimir
 * The Irish - Maggie, Liam
 * Nomads - Charlotte, Peter, Randall, Mary
 * Jacob's Pack - Embry
 * Sam's Pack - Collin, Brady, 7 unnamed members
 * The Volturi - Marcus, Santiago, Demetri, Alec, Corin, 5 transitory guard members

The end of my story is similar to the end of Stephenie Meyer's. I wish I had the heart to kill off a Cullen or a Denali or two but I just can't. I already feel bad enough as it is for killing Siobhan's mate and Senna. Ugh, poor Siobhan, poor Amazons... *tear*

Anyway, all of the remaining witnesses eventually leave the Cullen household. Zafrina tells Bella that they will be very good friends and that they should visit the Amazon sometime, before Zafrina and Kachiri leave to mourn Senna's death. Siobhan leaves shortly after, not saying much to anyone (she's too distraught after losing Liam). Benjamin and Tia leave after, then the few nomads left. The only group left in the Cullen house are the Denalis and Garrett, who has joined them due to Kate. The two families decide to celebrate together for the next few days (yay! Nothing like a veggie vamp party). Kate had to reattach her leg after the fight so she needs to heal anyway.

The story ends with Edward and Bella in the cottage; the same as Stephenie's version. The end!

I wish I wasn't so lazy, or I might actually re-write Book 2 and Book 3 of Breaking Dawn like this on FanFiction.net or something. That would be awesome, wouldn't it?