User blog:Puddinginthesky/Urgent Questions Regarding...

Regarding stuff. Yah. So, anyway, I was so confused when I began thinking about these things. Please, help me.


 * 1) WHAT ON EARTH does velvet even sound like? Bella loves using it. On that note, what does furious velvet sound like?
 * 2) Why does Bella insist on making every one of her realizations so...exaggerated? It took her forever to realize Jacob's hand was, in fact, not a rock. What the heck?
 * 3) Why does Bella always overexplain everything? Like how Jacob's eye was wet due to rain, or how the clouds moved because of yadayadayada?
 * 4) Why does Stephenie Meyer decorate her sentences with extravagent and improper punctuation?
 * 5) Why does no one consider Emily as the vicitim of her being mauled - accidentally, mind you - by Sam? Surely not due to her recklessness, as no one jumps on Bella about hers.
 * 6) How does Sam give Bella advice that no one else considers, and then she completely forgets/ignores it for the rest of forever?
 * 7) Where is the logic? Did it go to store and never come back, or has it been absent all along?
 * So, if Bella unlocked the door with her trembling anf grateful fingers, does that make the rest of her hand indignant?
 * 1) If Emmett and Jasper took care of James, doesn't that technically make Rosalie and Alice targets along with Bella?
 * 2) Stephenie Meyer explains Jacob is okay with cursing...Bella...not so much. Amazing what the ellipsis can do, right?
 * 3) Does Stepheneie Meyer understand the usage of commas?
 * 4) Why do both of Bella's love interests cause her to - at some point, or two, or three - feel like a child or a baby?
 * 5) Why is it that when you dissect certain sentences, use the comma/dash placement as a guide, and rearrange them, they make no sense?
 * 6) Why does Bella contradict herself on a single page? (298, New Moon, I believe)
 * 7) THIS (found herehttp://reasoningwithvampires.tumblr.com/ ): Can I just say thank you for this blog? Because really. I mean, I knew (after reading all four books myself in a sort of fascinated horror) that the series was poorly-written, but seeing you delve into the badness at this level of detail is just stunningly eye-opening. It's like there's a horrific car crash and you can't look away, and then you go up to the wreckage afterwards and start picking through it and HOLY CRAP, there was a TRAIN WRECK and an AIRPLANE CRASH and a BIZARRE GARDENING ACCIDENT happening INSIDE the car all along before the violent explosions on the freeway even started, and you had no idea, and also you thought that there were people sitting in the car who might be injured or dead now but actually the passengers aren't people they're massive chewing spider crabs who are very much alive and filled with rage towards the world and the human race and things are SO MUCH WORSE THAN YOU THOUGHT. And your blog is the crowbar that wrenches the mutilated car door off its smoking hinges and exposes all of this. So thank you. Thank you thank you and now I have to run from the chewing spidercrabs goodbye.

'''Well, THANKS IN ADVANCE, FOLKS. '''